july5_williams_299x3981Stevie…you’re one of the best at what you do who may end up going down as the best caddy of all time.  You and Tiger are a match made in heaven, perfect for each other.  You’re the highest paid “athlete” in New Zealand and as charitable a man as they come.

But you need to shut the hell up.

For all your accomplishments, success and ability, you need to write something on your hand that will probably keep embarassing things like The Guardian article where you call Mickelson a “prick” from giving you an even more boorish public image.  So go home and write this on your hand just as a reminder…

“STEVIE WILLIAMS IS JUST A CADDY.”

This is not demeaning caddies either, they have hard jobs, moreso than the public thinks, and are as necessary to a golfer’s success as pretty much anything, but still, you’re just a caddy.  The man pulling the trigger, i.e. THE GOLFER, is the man, and you’re a glorified butler.  An important and very good butler, but that’s about it.

You have about as much credibility as I do when talking about Phil.  Since you obviously think so little of Phil’s game, why don’t you get out there and put your money where your mouth is.  Oops, I mean put TIGER’S money where your mouth is, seeing as it’s his winnings that you make your comfortable living off of. 

I can see where you find annoyance with Phil…he’s plastic and fake, is about as in control off the tee as my grandmother is behind the wheel and says everything is peachy keen like a lobotomized hyena.  You know what else tho?  He’s probably in the top 5 of greatest short game players ever, a fantastic putter (2008 aside), and a guy who’s never going to play it safe and who would rather do everything in his power to win instead of lay up.  These are admirable qualities.

And you don’t think the no. 3 player IN THE WORLD has game?  Shit, how many times have you seen him and Tiger go at it on Sunday and Phil being one of the few players in the world who could keep up?  That’s not enough for you?  Well, why don’t you drop the bag and see if you can keep up with your boss? 

If Tiger said this, it’d be a valid point.  If Sergio or Vijay or any other top 10 pro said it, it’d be fine.  But you’re not even on the list, Stevie, because YOU HAVE TO PLAY in order to be on that list, and carrying a bag and marching off yardage doesn’t cut it. 

So please…continue acting like a goon on the course and being a dick to everyone who dares look at Tiger while he’s in his backswing, but for the love of God man, don’t criticize a future Hall of Famer because he doesn’t give you the respect you think you deserve, but your behavior hasn’t earned.  You have to give respect in order to have it, and what gives you the impression that people should respect you?  Is it your camera throwing abilities?  Your intimidation?

The first lesson I learned when I was training to be a caddy was, “keep quiet unless the member talks to you.”  You might want to take a refresher course, Stevie.

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