1999: headed in opposite directions

Ok… I’m going to take a moment to discuss a part of the game that often goes overlooked, the golf glove.

I am one of those players who absolutely needs a glove to play. Whether I’m at the range, on the course, or simply taking dry swings in my living room, I’m wearing a glove. I’d like to think that this is a result of my impressive club speed because it DEFINITELY has nothing to do with nervous sweaty palms…. [wipes hand on pant leg]

Regardless of why golfers choose (or choose not*) to wear gloves, my obsession with golf equipment requires that we take a deeper look into their existence.  On with the list (LISTS!!!):

Sizing – everyone has different sizing preferences (take that comment anyway you like). It’s no different with golf gloves – some like ’em loose, some tight. All I know is that a tight glove will wear less quickly than a loose glove. And at an average price of $20/glove, that’s enough to convince me to learn how to play with a tight glove.

Colors – I have no idea what is wrong with the traditional all-white gloves. They’re perfect. However, some dick wanted to make an extra buck or two by adding different colored gloves. Hey d-bag, everyone’s impressed that you’ve managed to layer three polo shirts, each collar pop’d higher than the last, but your glove really doesn’t need to match them! (I’m looking at you, Charley Hoffman).

Accessories – I’m sure whoever decided to add the ball marker on the golf glove had good intentions.  He was probably sick of putting around some asshole’s cherished 50-cent piece that he’s been playing with since his great grandmother died and left it to him. Whatever the case, it’s an annoying addition that’s only utilized by golfers who can’t carry a handicap. Remove it, please.

Dueling Gloves – A year ago, I would have hated on this idea. But I played with an older gentleman on a cold day late last fall who wore some of the sweetest dueling golf gloves I’ve ever seen. They were some special winter-edition Footjoy gloves that completely wow’d me. Oddly enough, said gentleman also had on an argyle sweater  vest and an Indiana Jones hat. He rocked. So in conclusion, dueling gloves are ok if you’re dressed exactly like that guy.

Wear – Ahhh, yes. The moment of truth arises when you get to the first tee and reach for the golf glove. Did it rip on me last round and I forgot to replace it? Shit! Everyone’s been in this position before. Basically you suck it up and play the best you can with what you’ve got because going back to the pro shop and dropping another $20 on a new glove just doesn’t seem appealing at the time.  For the record, I’ve max’d out this process several times to the point where whatever’s left more closely resembles an archery glove than a golf glove. Yes, I’m a hypocrite.

So remember to keep your gloves tight and white.  And when it appears to have reached its life expectancy, a little spit of tobacco juice will add on another round or two.

*does not compute