That's what 3pt looks like, bitches.

Ahh, Ben Crane. While I am grateful for your awesomeness last week, I cannot support that horrible hat/sunglasses combo. One or the other jabroney, not both. Use this week off strictly to work on your wardrobe. kthxbye!

On with this week’s picks in reverse honors style.

Lefty:

I’m taking Ernie Els.  Did you know he’s leading the FedEx cup points?  With two wins under his belt so far this year, the Big Easy just might be back in form.  Even if he’s not, he’s only missed the cut here once, and has nine top 15 finishes, as well as a win in 2004.  This is the right player at the right event to get my picks back on track.

Schneider:

I’m going with Tiger after getting Jeev’d last week. I need points in a serious way and he loves Dublin. As long as he doesn’t break his arm or come down with an inner ear infection again, a top finish is a pretty safe bet. He may not be 100% and a long way from the top of his game but I still believe Tiger at 75% is better than 80% of the field. Did you know that 73% of all statistics are made up?

AC:

This week I’m getting “off the schneid” by taking the 2008 winner Kenny Perry. See what I did there? I was Jeev’d two weeks ago and it actually didn’t hurt me like it did Schneid. Then Poulter blows chunks after making the cut and finishing dead last at the Colonial. So the last two weeks haven’t been so friendly to AC.

It’s all changing this week. I see Spence up top. We’re gunnin for his knees. And with Perry’s three previous victories here (1991, 2003, 2008) I’m feeling confident. I mean with that kind of track record, how can I go wrong? Only Tiger has more wins at the Memorial (1999, 2000, 2001, 2009). You know what I love most about Kenny Perry? His swing. It looks like he’s about to take a huge dump and then he unloads on the ball and hits it mile. It’s good stuff and really that’s all the reasoning I need.

tOSU’s #1 slurper:

I’m just curious, who’s in the lead?  Oh, me?  How delightful?  Let me tell you something, my pretties…with great achievement comes great responsibility.  It’s my responsibility to maintain the integrity this site has worked so hard to achieve by using my incredibly PGA following abilities to their fullest potential.  With that in mind, understand that getting to the top of the mountain requires one to take risks other, lesser men would quake when faced with.

Of course, I don’t NEED to take a risk here as I’ve already built up a Usain Bolt-like lead, so I won’t.  Nay, instead I’m hitching my wagon to that plowhorse of a golfer Jim Furyk.  Unlike the mouthbreathers who lay below me in the standings, I actually looked up this tournament’s history.  Furyk has 10 top-25’s in 14 appearances here.  He’s had a helluva 2010 and was last Memorial’s runner up.  History will prove my greatness, and this will be just another step towards having my name forever etched in the annals of awesome.

Last week’s MVP:

Since the other guys bored you with their long drawn-out reasons for taking front-runners and, um, Kenny Perry (really? again? what’s with all the Perry love?), I’ll keep it short and simple. Consistency ladies and gentlemen. That’s the name of this game. I’m simply looking for a top 25 finish this week while the others fall well short of their lofty expectations. Nick Watney, come on down. You are the next contestant in the quest for Fantasy Foursome’s unknown prize! Missed your only cut this year four months ago? Sounds consistent to me!

Quick note: This is the first week no one got Jeev’d. I fully expect him to do well. And by well I mean barely miss the cut.

Current Standings:

  1. spencer – 74
  2. Lefty – 98
  3. just  the tip – 125
  4. AC – 207
  5. Schneider – 214

Again…just to explain how this works.  You get whatever the pick’s finish is…2 points for 2nd, etc.  You get negative 10 points for a win and 100 points for a missed cut.  Low score wins.

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