A good week as far picks go (aside from Nick Watney) but the problem is, I still command a, um, commanding lead over the rest of these slackjawed yokels.  Unfortunately, the warm blanket that is the ease of picking majors is over and the crapshoot begins all over again.  I fully expect this commanding lead for the lead commander to get even commanderinger over the next few weeks, so lets just get to it, shall we?

First the standings…

  1. Brilliance personified – 78
  2. Lefty – 226
  3. Schneider – 295
  4. Tips – 330
  5. AC – 352
  6. toneypenna – 378

Yes, that’s right…the young buck has a 300 point lead on that old fuck.

/drops mic

Anyways…onto the picks for this week in Hartford.


Rickie Fowler is the pick this week. Is there a hotter player on TOUR right now? He’s got five top 10’s so far on the year and is currently sitting 12th in the FedEx Cup Point race. When he wins this week, he’ll jump to 3rd in the standings. Not bad for a 21 year old in his second year out of Oklahoma State (the fake OSU). Fowler didn’t play in the US Open so he doesn’t have to deal with the post tournament depression/let down and this course just sets up so well for him. TPC River Highlands is not particularly long at just over 6800 yards; so break out the Tuna Golf and go for birdie. Oh and please go for the green at #15. Its a 296 yard par 4. So get ready to see the Cowboy Orange on Sunday walking up the 18th green with his first professional victory in the bag.


Since spencer and I both had sand in our vajayjays today, with him eschewing the merits of golf clubs that you simply cannot hit poorly, and whining about how unfair the US Open was because the flat belly, Oakley wearing zombies couldn’t shoot 26 under, I have decided that for this week, I am taking the poster boy for all that is wrong with today’s golf, and riding Hunter Mahan to another mediocre finish, but gain me those all important points.

This fuckstick, in 4.5 years, has played in 198 tournaments, winning an extremely impressive TWO, has a mere 26 Top 10’s in that period, yet has amassed earnings of nearly $13 MILLION DOLLARS! He seems to have memorized Cam Cameron’s famous theme from his highly successful one and done season with the Miami Dolphins in 2007: FAIL FORWARD FAST (how was he NOT successful as a head coach?)

I saw this jizzfarmer on Inside the PGA Tour last night, living by himself in his Dallas McMansion, wearing his scruffy goatee and mumbling his way through the interview while driving around with his Jay Leno “I got a lot of expensive cars” starter set.

If he was in a PGA Tour police line-up, he could be confused with about 50 other hipsters: nameless, faceless zombies, having the same hats, clothes, shades, swing, and lack of  emotion. All they do is NOT win. This year, he is #2 in Total Driving, #18 in GIR, and #145 in putting. I wonder why he doesn’t win???

Since one of his two epic PGA Tour wins happened to be at the Travelers, combined with his playing well again last year (a Top Ten…yay for Hunter!), I’m gonna ride this nag and hope he can get me some points.

God, you’re a dick…moving on.


Mark me down for Kenny Perry this week. After weeks of getting ass raped by over-hyped, mediocre young golfers, I’m going with the likeable (/no homo) and more consistant veteran, Perry. He’s won here before, can make birdies in bunches and, most importantly, isn’t named Ryan Palmer. So prepare yourself boys, I’m about to go all Colorado Rockies on that ass and finish the second half of this season lights out!


I’m taking my boy Stewart Cink this week.  He’s won here twice, and has 3 top 25s in his last four starts.  Also, he beat jpq’s boyfriend head to head at the British Open last year, so he has that going for him, which is nice.  I hate being busy at work.


I’m going with Ricky Barnes because all the players I wanted to take are gone and, for some reason I can’t explain, I just really like the way he’s been playing even with using that stupid looking saw grip on a putter that’s supposed to rotate rather than go straight back and straight through.  Whatevs though, what’s stuck with me was the fact that, whenever he’s on TV, he’s chipping in.  He did it at Bethpage, did it at the Masters and did it at Pebble…I think we’re about to hear a lot more about Ricky Barnes in the near future, which is kinda surprising considering he was supposed to be one of the next big things.

Anyways, I know there’s not a lot to go on based on his history here (tho he opened with a 65 and closed with a 69 last year), but the field is pretty weak and I’m going to take a gamble.  Ricky Barnes it is…


Adam Scott is the pick this week for no good reason…no stats or history analysis because it hasn’t worked for me yet. I’m not going to make excuses like Spence and say all of the other guys are gone but I can say that Scott wouldn’t have been my first choice. In the spirit of the retarded NBA lottery draft, I picked his ping-pong ball out of a hat (I really did). Before you comment, I know the NBA doesn’t use hats. Go Australia!