First things first. On behalf of Tuna Golf, I apologize for our week-long hiatus. Unfortunately, none of us get paid to write for this site (like our material is worth anything to begin with…) so we’re forced to work with the rest of you high handicap lemmings in the real world. And, like you, sometimes our jobs are extra sucky and demanding. It’s terrible, I know. However, at least we here at Tuna Golf can still break 90, you hacks!
So what’s our first post coming off our break? A Fantasy Foursome, of course, because we’re selfish and you need to have our spencer’s expert advice. That’s right. This contest remains a blowout after last week and unless the Gods decide to unleash an F5 of mercy on the rest of us, things are unlikely to change. Current standings are (looks away):
- spencer – 83
- lefty – 273
- AC – 365
- schneider – 395
- tips – 404
- jpq – 478
On with this week’s picks:
The Guy Who’s Wrote One Post This Year:
I thought about going with a hometown hero in Sean O’Hair or Jim Furyk but I’m done with feel-good stories. I’m betting the farm on Ricky Barnes this week. Since his 10th place finish at the Masters, Barnes has only missed 2 cuts and has finished 7 or better in 3 of his last 4 starts. He’s got the hot hand in June and is due for a win…too bad the event is in July. Given the Cleveland curse and my horrific luck with anything sports, he’ll probably pull a France and just quit. I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t actually own a farm.
The Guy Who Continues To Pick Out Of Turn:
Vijay Singh. Why? Because I said so that’s why. I guess. Well I originally picked Furyk, but lost him thanks to someone with a golden buckeye card. And I really don’t have much here. He’s Fijian and he’s a seasoned vet with 3 majors. So there you have it. /Spits.
The Guy Who Still Uses A Typewriter:
Since I’m last, just take AC’s pick and write-up and put my name on it.
Jim Fucking Furyk. /Spits. He’s from PA and he’s already got 2 W’s, 4 top 10’s, and 8 top 20’s on the year. He’s 3rd on the FedEx Cup points race and 3rd on the money list. Oh and he’s the only player in the field with more than one win on the year. /Spits. I could have gone young gun this week in lieu of Bubba’s first ever professional victory, but I’m going seasoned vet instead. /Spits. Furyk doesn’t smash the ball, but it’s steady and consistent. Some tuna golf is gonna get it done. What I’m trying to say is… I’m winning this week. /Spits.
The Right-Handed Guy Named Lefty:
I’m taking Sean O’Hair, since Schneider left him sitting there. He’s a member at Aronimink, and should be nice and comfortable. He’s finished in the top 15 in his last four starts, and there’s no reason to expect anything different here. Now, if only Ben Crane could miss the cut….
The Guy Beating The Fun-Loving Shit Out Of Us All:
I’m taking Ben Crane in a narrow choice over Rickie Fowler because I think a traditional Donald Ross design, like this week’s stop at Aronimink, tends to favor a more strategic player. Crane is 14th in driving accuracy, 25th in GIR’s, 8th in putting, top 25 in biridies, eagles and scoring average, and most importantly, is the no. 1 all around ranked player, which combines all of the aforementioned stats. Basically, Crane is the most consistent golfer on tour this year, and with nine finishes in the top 25 in only 15 starts (including a win and 5 top 10’s), Crane is the easy choice to keep the Good Ship 096 afloat over the retards below.
The Guy With The Lowest Handicap At Tuna Golf*:
I’m taking Tiger Woods because, let’s face it, I’m terrible at this pick ’em shit and I jinx some poor bastard every week and I know Tiger can roll with the punches. But more importantly, the Gods spoke to me yesterday and told me to take Tiger. Inside a random Mexican Restaurant, I see this painting on the wall…
Viva El Tigre!
*jpq is too old and injured to qualify