Sweet kicks, but you're not winning.

Yay! It’s the Canadian Open! Whatcha know aboot dat eh? What’s that? Maple syrup and mounties? That’s all you know? Well let me be the one to enlighten you on our neighbors to the north….

Contrary to popular belief, Canada is actually… yeah, nevermind. I’m just messing with ya. No one cares about Canada. We’re Americans for Christ’s sake. We only make the trip north of the border to poke their smot, ski their mountains and eff their women – in that order. Don’t agree with me? Fine… Just replace “ski their mountains” with “dominate their golf  courses” and here’s your evidence:

(Sorry for the bad quality, shot is at :50 sec mark)

Wow… you just can’t hit a 6-iron from the bunker over that much water in the States. I mean, we’re a civilized nation; we have rules and shit. I think it’s obvious from that shot that Canada can’t even police the laws of physics.

On with the picks! But first the standings (looks away):

1. sweatervest – 149

2. lefty, the quitting fag – 390

3. AC – 392

4. josh – 420 (editor’s note: / sweatervest does bong rip)

5. I blame Canada- 564

6. the ancient one, toneypenna- 586

toneypenna –

For this week’s PGA event, the RBC Canadian Open, I am going with England’s Paul Casey for a few reasons:   1. He’s the highest ranked player in the field, with 5 Top 10’s in 10 PGA tour events this year   2. He’s playing well. Casey is coming off a T-3 at St Andrews, which, taking Shrek out of it,      means he really came in 2nd   3. Courses for horses. This is a tight, “traditional” course, which might bode well for a guy who      ranks 9th in GIR on Tour   There you have it. As this is as wide open a choice as one might have, a dart on a wall might have been a better chance.

Me –

Since I’ve already poked fun at the disabled once this week, why not secure that spot in Hell and do it again?  I’m rolling with that stubby bastard, Tim Clark, from NC State who can’t turn his arms outwards. And before you start swearing me up and down for picking on the disabled, remember that the Wolfpack suck and Clark plays par-3’s extremely well. So that would seem reasonable when playing a course with five par 3’s, asshole.

Josh –

After traveling almost 4000 miles in 7 days and getting up at 4:00am to watch the British, I’m ready to put my feet up, sleep in and watch some golf. Too bad it’s the Canadian Open. I need a good consecutive pick after carding only 2 points last week…my best finish so far. My original pick was going to be Casey but I couldn’t bring myself to pick 2 Englishmen back-to-back. Instead, I’m going with Sean O’Hair. His best finish this year is T4 but had a great weekend at the British with a T7. He’s been Top 12 or better 5 of the last 6 events and has played well up north the past few starts (3rd place 2 times in 4 events). Even though he’s 86th on Par 3 scoring, O’Hair’s got the momentum to go up and kick some maple-syrup-loving ass.

AC –

I’m going Goosen, Retief. He came in second last year at Glen Abbey and had the 4th best score at the Open last weekend. In 12 events in 2010, Goosen has made the cut 11 times, finished in the top 10 seven times, and finished in the top 5 four times. This year the tournament is at a different course, but his strong season is going to continue this week with his first win of the year. I also found it funny he’s sponsored by Gray Goose(n).

quitter –

In this, the year of the Yellow Jackets, I have no choice but to take Matt Kuchar.  11 top 25s, 6 top 10s, and the highest ranked player in the FedEx Cup without a win.  This is his week.

sweatervest –

I’m taking Camilo Villegas.  There’s no real logic to this one aside from this being a relatively weak field and Villegas having a little more than average talent.  Best player available?  Best player available.  Even in he misses the cut, I’m still well in front, so we’ll just take a flier on the Colombian.

While I really like spiderman, I’ll be rooting against him this week.