I’m gonna put it right out in front…I don’t like Stuart Appleby, much like I’m not a fan of any Aussie pro golfer not named Geoff Ogilvy.  Is this racist?  It could be viewed that way except for the fact that I like Australia the country, and have met a few Australians in my day that were fantastic people.  It’s not the Australians I hate, it’s the Australians ON TOUR that I hate, with enemy number one being Mr. 59 here.

Of course I’m impressed by Appleby’s win, and his performance over the weekend, which can only be described as “laser guided.”  Huge, accurate drives followed by precise, perfectly struck irons and wedges left him little work to do with that pesky putter, which is a good thing considering Appleby’s legs visably shake over anything longer than 5 feet on Sunday.  An incredible performance, no doubt, but it leaves one wondering why he can’t do this more often.  Hence my angst towards the flotilla of immensely talented Aussie Tour golfers who choke on the regular.

Now, it’s probably unfair to be so harsh towards a guy who just shot a final round 59, and yes, you’re probably right that if his name was Rory McIlroy or Sergio Garcia, I’d be singing his praises to the high heavens, but whatever.  Didn’t you see that faint praise at the beginning of the 2nd paragraph!  There you go!

But hey, I can’t be too much of a dickhead.  Shooting 59 is some video game shit, son, and unlike Tuna Golf favorite Paul Goydos, Appleby did it in the crunch and came out holding the trophy, which is eminently more impressive than a 59 on TPC Xerox in the first round of a tournament you didn’t win.  But that nagging issue just keeps coming back into my head…if Appleby can do this, and contend in majors like he has in the past, why can’t he finish?  Why can’t he close?  Why is it that every time the weekend comes and he’s near the top of the leaderboard, he falters?

Appleby has SERIOUS game.  His swing, while not especially pretty, is devastatingly efficient producing outrageous length coupled with fantastic accuracy and it’s an awesome display of video game golf when he’s got it all going, but unfortunately, these examples are much less frequent in the past years.  I hope Appleby shoves my criticism back in my face, because he is a fantastic golfer (and married an Ohioan, which means he has fantastic taste), and I don’t like being a negative asshole.  So kudos on the 59 and kudos on the big win.  Great weekend for some PGA Golfin.