A Cuban Cohiba? Why yes, I'll take one of those for my victory cigar!

Conichiwa golf fans, time for everyone’s favorite segment, the picks.

This week, we’re adding our latest correspondent, JayV to the running, and while it might seem dickish to give him last place points so late in the game, if anyone can conjure up the minor miracle it’ll take to unseat yours truly, it’s Jay.

And while we’re welcoming Jay, I’d also like to point out the incredible feat achieved by our very own Schneider.  This week, the impossible was proven possible as Mr. Schneider managed to miss a cut in an event without a cut.  Shit like that doesn’t happen everyday, my pretties, and honestly, my belief in the supernatural has been reinforced.  It’s not everyday that you get to witness the hand of God in action, so savor the flavor.

Anyways…here are the current standings.

  1. Savant096 – 257
  2. Lefty – 476
  3. AC – 529
  4. Schneider – 629
  5. Tips – 650
  6. Old man penna – 713
  7. JayV – 713

Now onto the picks…Rook:

I’ll take Steve Stricker.  Hard to believe that when the 2004 PGA was held at Whistling Straits in his home state of cheeseheads, Stricker DIDN’T EVEN QUALIFY.  Now, 6 years later, he could actually grab the #1 WR with a win.  A two-time winner on tour this year, make it three-time, and shed that pesky title of Best Player Never To Win A Major.

The man who puts the “meth” in Methuselah:

The Tour concludes it’s 2010 “major” season with the PGA Championship at Herb Kohler’s personal playground, windblown Whistling Straits, off Lake Mee-chigan near the beautiful town of Sheboygan, WI. Brings back the memories, doesn’t it?  SchmielSchmozzle, “Hassenfeffer Incorporated!”

Makes you want to bowl three games and chug a six of PBR’s, but I digress.

Anywho, I’m going with my favorite Irishman, Paddy Harrington (Rory McIlroy is running like Secretariat at Belmont, though, so the gap is closing fast). Paddy is a former PGA Champion who has played well enough to be a multiple major winner. He has played weel, albeit not spectacularly, all year, and a scary amusement ride links course like the Straits might be just the ticket for this Euro to grab another victory.

Tips:

Tiger, Tiger Woods ya’ll!!! Spare me the painfully obvious reasons why he shoudn’t be my pick; I don’t really care to hear ’em. All I know is that the only reason I’m in 5th place and not last is that toneypenna and JayV joined the party late and were assessed a serious penalty. So I’m going to continue riding this misery train with Tiger until I’m 3/4 into a bottle of bourbon and choking on a revolver. Only then will I truly see the fault in picking Ryan Palmer to win a PGA Tour event. Besides, I’m not sold on any of the favorites this week; look for someone outside the top 30 to hoist the Wannamaker trophy Sunday.

I admire this man’s loyalty.

AC:

I’m taking Sean O’Hair. He’s finished in the top 15 in the British and the US Open earlier this year. That coupled with a strong finish last week at the Bridgestone, he’s gonna keep it rolling with his first major victory and fifth career victory. This dude is due. He’s been competitive in majors all year. And of his last 8 tournaments, he’s finished 12th or better 6 times.

Schneider:

I was planning on taking Tiger this week if he was available but now I’m glad he isn’t. For the record, he stared awkwardly at my friend’s wife last week at Firestone and momentarily envisioned all of the potential settlement money we could win. Speaking of Firestone, what is the worst possible scenario for an event without a cut? That’s right, Lee Westwood. GFY you pansy-ass tea-sipper. Ok, I’m over it. For the season’s last major, I’m taking Big Ern. The Straits is a bitch with over 1,000 bunkers and Els is one of the few who can actually see out of the tall ones. My selection criteria has been shit so far this year so I’m using height for the last big event before the FedEx and Ryder Cups.

Lefty:

Let’s see.  A win at Quail Hollow where he devastated the course, a tie for third at the Open Championship, and a links course this week.  Yep, that adds up to me taking Irish wunderkind Rory McIlroy.  He’s having a breakout year, and this course should fit his game nicely.  After a top ten last week, look for David Feherty’s favorite golfer to keep it rolling this week.  I’ve been burned by a couple of Euros this year, but that’s my fault for going against my heritage and picking Englishmen.  I need a good showing this week, and the young Irishman is the man for the job.

And the best for last:

Since I had to wait so fucking long to pick, I got to think this one out a little bit.  So the start has been delayed thanks to fog and the conditions are humid and wet, as of now, making me believe that the guys that get out early will have an advantage over the guys starting off later that’ll have to deal with sweltering heat and drier conditions.  So, with that in mind and also considering my HUGE lead, I’m going with my heart AND my head and going with Bubba Watson.

Could this blow up in my face?  Quite easily, actually, but Bubba’s been playing really well lately and he’s got that fire in his eye.  He’s got the gleam.  And hell, even if I lose, at least I’ll be rooting for a player I like.  So Bubba’s the play this week.

And in case you were wondering, why yes!  This IS a slap in the face to those non-picking assholes above me.

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