Well, guess who withdrew with an illness?  Mr. Poulter.  Yet again proving that European golfers might just be the biggest subset of pussies known to man.

So why are we talking about Ian Poulter when the title is clearly about Jeff Overton?  Because when Poulter withdrew with a yeast infection, Overton, instead of taking his last place seriously, decided to have some fun with his solo round and see if he could break the record for the fastest round in PGA Championship history. And lo, the record was broken by 2 minutes (!).

Overton’s round was filled with sprints and makeshift caddieing, which I, as someone who doesn’t take golf too seriously, finds absolutely awesome.  Now, some people might get their panties in a bunch when a tour player removes his own flagstick to make a 6-footer, and shoots 79 when obviously not trying to shoot his best score, but who cares?  Lighten up.  I’m sure old man Penna will chime in voicing his displeasure with Overton, but, as with most things, his perspective is skewed by being a cranky old man who has to work his ass off just to get half a boner so keep that in mind.

Meanwhile, I’ll be cheering on Overton, who’s rapidly becoming my new favorite golfer on Tour.

What you missed?  A helluva tournament, that’s what.

Kudos go out to Martin Kaymer and Bubba Watson for a nice showing on Sunday, as well as Dustin Johnson for putting the Pebble-esque choke on hold until the last hole, as well as guys like Zach Johnson, Rory McIlroy and Steve Elkington who provided some nice competition for the leaders.  I don’t want to get into Bunkergate, so we’ll hold off on that for the conceivable time being, and after some reflection, I’m not really bullish on Whistling Straits as I was heading into the championship.

Lets get to the winners and losers.

Winners:

PGA fans – Helluva tournament and a ton of drama and entertainment.  That was a fantastic treat in a year where only the Masters was truly entertaining. (more…)

Yes, Dustin Johnson handled his post interview with class.  I’m not classy, so I’ll take it from here…

FUCK YOU, PGA OF AMERICA.

How the fuck could you make such a total bullshit ruling at such a crucial juncture?  How the fuck can you look yourselves in the mirror and think that you made the right fucking call?  Are you fucking serious?  Did I gain an advantage?  No.

If that piece of dirt is a fucking bunker, then why the hell were people standing in it?  Why the fuck would you let that shit happen?  Fuck the rules of golf…I, Dustin Johnson, did not fucking cheat.

I’m going to hire a private detective to follow you around, Mark Wilson.  Every little thing in life you fuck up, I’m going to make sure is punished to the utmost.  If you don’t stop at a fucking stop sign for a full second, I’m gonna make sure you get a ticket.  If you got 5 MPH above the speed limit, I’m turning you in.  If your lawn is a half fucking inch above what it should be, I’m calling the authorities.

Because that’s what you deserve you pile of shit.  Oh, and thanks for having a rules official nearby.  Ooops.

Fuck you, PGA.  Fuck you indeed.

Now, excuse me, I have a bunker to rake.

Why does ESPN give a cushy golf coverage job to a man, Gene Wojciechowski (Gene from here on out) who CLEARLY hates golf?  This year, I’ve read a few of Gene’s articles regarding the majors and watched him on TV and it’s plain as day that this dude hates the sport.  So why the fuck is he covering it?  Why is ESPN giving golf fans the finger like this?

Oh, that’s right, because ESPN is a fucking joke.

Let’s check out his most recent article…

How do I say this delicately? This PGA Championship is duller than watching Herb Kohler’s beard grow, more boring than a recap of your neighbor’s fantasy cricket league draft.

Three rounds have come and gone and I don’t know whether to doze off or leap from the Met Life blimp. Right now it’s only slightly more interesting than a Martha Stewart segment on decoupaging bangle bracelets.

What’s the point of this shit, Gene?  If you don’t like it, why don’t you request a different job?  And ESPN…if you read this shit, why don’t you immediately put someone who DOES like golf in charge of golf coverage?  This isn’t an isolated incindent either…

(more…)

A Cuban Cohiba? Why yes, I'll take one of those for my victory cigar!

Conichiwa golf fans, time for everyone’s favorite segment, the picks.

This week, we’re adding our latest correspondent, JayV to the running, and while it might seem dickish to give him last place points so late in the game, if anyone can conjure up the minor miracle it’ll take to unseat yours truly, it’s Jay.

And while we’re welcoming Jay, I’d also like to point out the incredible feat achieved by our very own Schneider.  This week, the impossible was proven possible as Mr. Schneider managed to miss a cut in an event without a cut.  Shit like that doesn’t happen everyday, my pretties, and honestly, my belief in the supernatural has been reinforced.  It’s not everyday that you get to witness the hand of God in action, so savor the flavor.

Anyways…here are the current standings.

  1. Savant096 – 257
  2. Lefty – 476
  3. AC – 529
  4. Schneider – 629
  5. Tips – 650
  6. Old man penna – 713
  7. JayV – 713

Now onto the picks… (more…)

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard of the little spat between Jim Gray and Mr. Pavin where Gray said that Pavin was taking Tiger Woods no matter what as a Ryder Cup selection, despite Pavin not really, you know…saying that.  So, as the rumor has it (or as the encounter has it, seeing as it actually happened), Gray got all up in Pavin’s grill and was all like “don’t be playin’.”

Pavin’s response?

[Gray was] just trying to get a story out there. But when you start making stuff up, it makes me mad. And of all the people I know in the media business, he would not be my first choice to tell that to. He wouldn’t be my second or third or fourth choice, either. And you can quote me on that.

Nice.  Why am I happy that Jim Gray got dressed down?  Because Jim Gray embodies everything that’s wrong with professional sports media.  He’s a fucking sycophant who’s known for bending over like a prostitute during interviews, providing nothing but fluff as to not make the interviewee have to work too hard.  What has Jim Gray ever contributed to the sports media landscape?  Anything?  So where the hell does he get off talking to Pavin like that?

Oh, right…Gray’s an asshole.  Remember when he went after Pete Rose during the World Series for no reason at all?  Yea, I think the book’s been written about Gray being a prick.  So bravo Pavin, for not letting such a worthless person ruin your Ryder Cup party.

And Jim Gray?  GFY.

That’s right. The lovable and uber-talented Phil Mickelson revealed during a PGA press conference that he’s been suffering from a rare disease called psoriatic arthritis since this year’s US Open. The announcement, predictably enough, comes on the heels of another failed attempt to overtake Tiger Woods for the #1 World Ranking – the 8th time he’s failed to do so. Basically, the man on tour with the most raw talent of any golfer, possibly ever, decided to throw a smoke grenade after another mental breakdown at key a moment in his career. It will be unfortunate when his career is remembered more for the blown opportunities than the incredible shot-making ability. 

Fortunately, Phil is expecting to make a full “recovery,” thanks to modern medicine  and the removal of his balls meat from his diet. And not only that, but by making this announcement,  he’s completely removed any expectations of him winning this thing, so if he actually does, it will be the classic good husband/hot wife/breast cancer/12 kids/BONES/suck it Tiger storybook finish on Sunday. Only this time everyone shares some faggy tofu dish…