The Masters: Day 1

The golf tournament of all golf tournaments, The Masters. It’s finally here!

Day 1 made me incredibly depressed. Alvaro Quiros, who is my age and Rory McIlroy, who is twenty fucking one, are in the lead. Sigh. Anyway on to the action…

 

What You Missed: I wouldn’t say I missed it, Bob…

I’m not about to disparage a guy who just won a major by seven strokes.  Period.  Louis Oosthuizen was impressive as fuck and there are no qualifiers to that statement.

That said, I’m not about to wax poetic about a guy who built his lead thanks to two favorable weather draws that simply outlasted a field that seemed wholly content to cash their overly large runner up checks and get to tell people they’re good because they finished top 5 in a major.  There’s no way around it, yesterday’s golf coverage was boring, just because there wasn’t anyone catching Oosthuizen.  So, instead of doing some big long recap, we’ll just do some winner/loser type thing, k?

Winners:

Oosthuizen: Of course.  You don’t win a major by 7 strokes unless you’re a badass and the Euro Tour stalwart might just be that badass.  Or he could be a total fluke.  Hell, I thought Zach Johnson was a fluke after he won the Masters, but I’ve been proven quite wrong by that so maybe Shrek is the Euro Tour’s new ZJ.

Henrik Stenson: Made a charge and wasn’t a douchebag about it, unlike a certain someone who’s name rhymes with Maul Macey.

Rory McIlroy and Rickie Fowler: McIlroy finished tied for 3rd while Fowler was a few shots off his pace finishing tied for 14th with a logjam of extremely talented players.  Of course, these finishes aren’t notable in and of themselves, but when you consider that Rory shot a 2nd round 80 to best Fowler’s opening round 79 well, that’s some gumption and good shootin’ to get back to where they finished.  Good show, young’ns.

 

Hitting the Links

"Anything Phil can do, I can do better."

This is our weekly look at what has been going on in the wonderful world of golf. If you think something should be put up send it over to TheTunaGolf@gmail.com.

Boobs, lynching, Congressional murder and pool boys — a comprehensive list of golf announcers’ many miscues (Devil Ball Golf)

Should Feherty be cut loose? (The Golf Blog)

How to hit left-handed…if you’re right-handed (Golf.com)

Alex Cejka needs to stop going to the public laundromat when he’s on the road. Someone must have stolen his TW red shirt out of the dryer (Armchair Golf)

Stenson jumps into the Top 5 (WGR) 

Tiger blames his swing for his recent struggles. Oh really? That makes perfect sense…that is my problem too (ESPN)

FIGJAM strikes again (Aussie Golfer)

Cristie Kerr likes Michelob Ultra (Golf Girl)

Ever want to look like John Daly? Now you can (LMG) 

Fire your swing coach and stop wasting money on instructional DVDs and training aids. This guy offers free lessons (YouTube)

If the free lesson didn’t cure your slice, check these guys out by Friday…it really does work and I’m living proof.

If none of the above links help, then you really do suck (ISUCKATGOLF.NET)

**UPDATE** Tony Romo must’ve been vacationing with Jessica in Cabo again (ESPN)

 

Wow.

An absolutely dominant performance by Henrik Stenson on Sunday led to a four shot win at the 2009 Players.  A clinic.  Textbook.  Any adjective you can think of that refers to perfection would apply here, it was that good.

A bogey free final round for one of the world’s best, and most underrated golfers, needs a little more context.  TPC Sawgrass was playing pretty tough with big numbers popping up all over the place, dashing the hopes of 54-hole leader Alex Cjeka and one Eldrick Woods, among others.  But Stenson wasn’t fazed in the slightest, laying precision bombs all over the place and putting on the proverbial blinders en route to today’s 66.

Simply flawless…I don’t know how much else can be said.

 

The Field: The Swedes

Until the upcoming season, there’s going to be some downtime…so in this feature, we’re going to be looking at the second half of the question, “who you got: Tiger or the Field?”  We’ll be looking at the handful of players we think have a shot to dethrone the man himself, examining the top guys as well as a few players going under the radar.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t really care for the European Tour.  I don’t like the diluted fields of players who would be bottom feeders on the Nationwide Tour, and I don’t like the cavalcade of poorly maintained and designed courses that pop up seemingly every other week or having to stay up until 3 am just to watch two or three golfers with any cache.  It’s not that there aren’t any good Euro Tour players and events, there most certainly are, but it just pales in comparison to the PGA Tour, at least in my Star Spangled eyes.

Out of the dark, rainy European world, however, comes two incredible talents who both have the ability to dominate against any competition, and have this unknown, mysterious air around them due to their anonymity stateside.  One is shrouded behind his sunglass veneer, eschewing a driver for a strong 3-wood which he can put out there with even the longest hitters and the other, an Ivan Drago clone, both are quiet and relatively unassuming, until they get on the golf course and then it’s scary.